Grrrrr.....!

I have a reason to believe that landing in this college was not just coincidence but well defined pathway to my destiny just like the movie final destination. Clearly i have no one to blame but myself because i had a choice, like everyone does, a choice to make a life, a life which i can learn from and enjoy and make the best use of it. But let me ask you a question- Have you ever made a choice were you dont know what you are gonna end in? Have you made a decision were you know that its not gonna do any good for you even when others want the opposite? Have you ever had so much regret in life that you have stopped hoping for anything ever???? Friends,relatives, girlfriends, boyfriends all have a role to play in this.

I had a choice of getting into a lot of good colleges. But i chose this not because it was the 14th rank tech college or anything but because i had a lot of friends and my love for this place called Gods own country. It feels comfortable to be among the ones you love doesnt it? But the amount of frustration and anger i feel now is way beyond what i would have ever thought of. I have spoiled my future, my life, my integrity with myself and my self respect. I know what or who i was before and what or who i am now! Clearly not the same.....Because once you look into a mirror you can spot the difference between the two. Betrayel, love, hate....if all this is confined in one package thats the box i was in after landing here. I have perpetually stopped expecting things from life or people because this world is more to the eye than wat you see. If you believe that you have seen everything in life its not so. Life is beautiful i have to agree but it comes to you in wierd ways. Small joys from movies, music, fun with friends are all in this wierd ways because you never realize you are happy until you are asked the question!

I havent really given a deep thought into what really is wrong but im inclined to believe that it all started with me opting for mechanical from which i expected a lot and got nothing. Its been my dream since childhood inspired by my uncle that being a mech engg would truly help me in life. A career i wanted to launch and the best sought after place in kerala...nitc...its not a bad place but being here just makes me wanna throw up. With the rising standards of education my college tried to bring out the best in students by f***ing them over for small reasons. A lot of my friends have lost a year thanks to their insensitive nature. I meant "their" because the college is not run by highly brilliant folks but by normal people who i believe rub their frustration on us. Being an average student i expected teachers to interact and teach me or us with a practical intuition. Leaving practical intuition they tell us to visualize. What should we visualize??? a slider motion, a digital circuit or a kickass algorithm ? dont these "intelligent" folks with a abcd degree from xyz college know that the way student learn varies from person to person? When i was in school i had a chance to listen to Swamini who told that there are 2 kinds of people...One who could learn by seeing things and the other who could learn by hearing. So when we listen to the prof in the class about an engine what do you think the people with the other ability would be thinking? a blank 0...i know that feeling. It makes me wanna sleep and do stuff in class which according to profs are disrespectful or signs of a bad student. I would like to say one thing..." plz dont judge me without knowing me...i don give a f*** about wat u think anyway"!!!! So beat me with a rod and i swear i wont keep quite!!! I know there are people like me, but in the name of struggle and hardwork they neglect what they really want in life. Im jus trying to ignite something here. Make yourself heard. Make yourself important. In this competitive world if you do not grab a chance you will lose. Stand with me. Lets make this world better.

Adios
~pai~