Thursday, August 28, 2008

Grrrrr.....!

I have a reason to believe that landing in this college was not just coincidence but well defined pathway to my destiny just like the movie final destination. Clearly i have no one to blame but myself because i had a choice, like everyone does, a choice to make a life, a life which i can learn from and enjoy and make the best use of it. But let me ask you a question- Have you ever made a choice were you dont know what you are gonna end in? Have you made a decision were you know that its not gonna do any good for you even when others want the opposite? Have you ever had so much regret in life that you have stopped hoping for anything ever???? Friends,relatives, girlfriends, boyfriends all have a role to play in this.

I had a choice of getting into a lot of good colleges. But i chose this not because it was the 14th rank tech college or anything but because i had a lot of friends and my love for this place called Gods own country. It feels comfortable to be among the ones you love doesnt it? But the amount of frustration and anger i feel now is way beyond what i would have ever thought of. I have spoiled my future, my life, my integrity with myself and my self respect. I know what or who i was before and what or who i am now! Clearly not the same.....Because once you look into a mirror you can spot the difference between the two. Betrayel, love, hate....if all this is confined in one package thats the box i was in after landing here. I have perpetually stopped expecting things from life or people because this world is more to the eye than wat you see. If you believe that you have seen everything in life its not so. Life is beautiful i have to agree but it comes to you in wierd ways. Small joys from movies, music, fun with friends are all in this wierd ways because you never realize you are happy until you are asked the question!

I havent really given a deep thought into what really is wrong but im inclined to believe that it all started with me opting for mechanical from which i expected a lot and got nothing. Its been my dream since childhood inspired by my uncle that being a mech engg would truly help me in life. A career i wanted to launch and the best sought after place in kerala...nitc...its not a bad place but being here just makes me wanna throw up. With the rising standards of education my college tried to bring out the best in students by f***ing them over for small reasons. A lot of my friends have lost a year thanks to their insensitive nature. I meant "their" because the college is not run by highly brilliant folks but by normal people who i believe rub their frustration on us. Being an average student i expected teachers to interact and teach me or us with a practical intuition. Leaving practical intuition they tell us to visualize. What should we visualize??? a slider motion, a digital circuit or a kickass algorithm ? dont these "intelligent" folks with a abcd degree from xyz college know that the way student learn varies from person to person? When i was in school i had a chance to listen to Swamini who told that there are 2 kinds of people...One who could learn by seeing things and the other who could learn by hearing. So when we listen to the prof in the class about an engine what do you think the people with the other ability would be thinking? a blank 0...i know that feeling. It makes me wanna sleep and do stuff in class which according to profs are disrespectful or signs of a bad student. I would like to say one thing..." plz dont judge me without knowing me...i don give a f*** about wat u think anyway"!!!! So beat me with a rod and i swear i wont keep quite!!! I know there are people like me, but in the name of struggle and hardwork they neglect what they really want in life. Im jus trying to ignite something here. Make yourself heard. Make yourself important. In this competitive world if you do not grab a chance you will lose. Stand with me. Lets make this world better.

Adios
~pai~

14 comments:

soumya said...

whoa! are u pissed!
i get it though...it is frustrating at times..

fashion queen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
m3kha!! said...

r u so fucked up wid life out ere??lmao!!chill dude...."IF WINTER COMES CAN SPRING BE FAR BEHIND??"...lmao!!

ANAND said...

yeah yeah...female!!!! get a grip..u'll be saying the same thing in 2 years!!!

kaMbi said...

life ll get better dude.. dont lose hope..
picture abhi baaki he.. or something.. my hindi is poor u know.. :D

gayathri said...

lol...nice reading the blog..
it sounds like u wanna play an international match without any referees...so that u can kick your mates' ass or call him any craps..or just break the rules and play howsoever u want to..but thats just a hope hopen dear...zindegi migzara..life moves on..just accept it that way and give in your best...:)

yadu said...

capt pai..!!yadu reporting sire..
man.... havnt you been contemplating and introspecting a lot!!?..hang in there buddy..8 months more...!

Cyclops said...

"Have you ever had so much regret in life that you have stopped hoping for anything EVER????" - wat the hell was that all about dude... nitc is not the end of life. you have the heart to go miles.. dont lose that...

whatever you became here, a lot was my becoming, for i was less than a percent of the frnd i was supposed to be - and i would hate to live with that guilt...

the root cause of all sorrow is expectation.. people r not wat they seem they r... many frnds, many people may shatter your expectations, but does that mean you stop expecting... that is the essence in you... your belief that people can be good and the trust you place in expecting something from them... that makes a person human... and i know no better human than you, for if anyone else has a problem, you dont care of f****ing urself for the others benefit... no one has the guts to be like that...

J D said...

I have been thru all this when I was there, but don't worry, you might have lost alot of things in those 4 years which you still have time to regain once out of it, but the things that you gained in those 4 years... your frnds, the great time u had there, the experience of it all - you will never get it anywhere else... so enjoy rest of ur time there, don't let the profs and the system get into ur nerves - they r not worth it.

ANAND said...

thanks for ur reviews!!!!

AragoRn said...

hey pai.... i think i am as much fucked up as u are right now.. but dude i think u are not seeing both sides of the coin.. i mean u are focussing on dis one side where the college fucks u with the back papers and with proffesors who feel happy when a student breaks down.... der is this another side where you didnt even put in one tenth of work that u may have put in for ur entrance preps... am i right?.... well no one can top the exams here by just cramming on the eve of the exam... also i think we students are letting the proffs to dictate due to our poor acads...... just try 2 c the positive sides of college man.... the drinks... the dope... hehe.... so many good memories 2 carry forward..... so chill and try 2 enjoy the final yr...... we will give back what we got....lolz... i ll b der with u...hehe..tc.

Arpan... said...

Dude, this is a messed up place, this a big shithole. And its so very true that the system isnt just good enough for a degree in technology. No seriouslly, y would they make the difference between BE and BTech...it seems we have been pursuing the engineering course and less of the technology one. I mean, someone tell me the idea of having subjects which u have to mug up, subjects which have absolutely nothing to do with engineering, and routine labworks which we have to do for the sake of some credits and grades and not beacause we are interested in them. But, chill dude, its not the freaking end of life man...its got a long way to go...and y do u anyway bother, u are good in something and its definitely not engineering, so chill...tension illa...just one more sem to go and we shall all be free of this vicious bondage!!!

m@X!mU$ said...

nicely written dude.
i have to agree with appu to some extent, and this reminds me of the popular hindi saying "taali do haathon se baajti hai". LOL. but u can argue here that the college made us do the clap act, which is so true.
dude theres only one truth that we all know, that its not the end of the world. and you know how much fucked(chuck the **,people wanna see this r8..:p) up i am.but now it reminds me of another saying, the past is history, and the future is a mystery but today is a gift thats why we call it PRESENT.so start working now to make the future merry.
love and peace
maxi !

Another Blogger said...

every college is a shit hole..
it is not jus your nitc...
if u ended up in uzerbaijan doing microbiology u would feel the same..

it is called life and growin up..
deal with it!